… that’s what I told myself after a long “heart-to-heart” (if you can have a heart to heart with your non-schizophrenic self) this morning. In short, this week has brought more soul-searching and teeth-gnashing, in true Where the Wild Things Are fashion… not to be overly dramatic or anything 😉 The upside of all of this is that, with all of my thinking and questioning, I’ve come to some decisions that I’m determined to stick to. This quote, spoken at #CampMighty, was tweeted today: “fear is one of the best reasons to go ahead and do something.”
I stopped and thought, what am I really afraid of? I don’t feel fear in my writing process, nor in social media management. So what scares the shit out of me… and therefore is the direction I should go in. It’s design. I don’t get lost in my writing the way I do when I’m designing. I don’t feel that heart-swelling sense of pride when I manage someone’s Twitter account, or write a good blog post (although that is rewarding). And part of that, I’m sure, is the sense of accomplishment- every time I overcome the fear and the self-doubt and execute a great project, the rewards are that much greater.
So the inevitable question- what does this mean?! This means that from now on, I’m a designer. Period. I might take on the occasional blog post, or social media account setup/training, but I need to re-center and re-focus and let the fear drive me. Lately, I’ve been spread so unbelievably thin, and part of that is my lack of focus. Part of that is my epic ADD these days, but really, the main cause is that I need to focus my work, and in doing so, focus my life. Focus on embracing the fear, those moments of “holy crap, can I really do this?” and know that yes, I can do it. I am capable. As Erika once told me- people wouldn’t be paying for my work if it wasn’t good (or if they didn’t like it). Even more than that, I like my work and what I do.
Heady stuff, right? Moral of the story is that I’m refocusing and am making design my #1 (and pretty much only) for the forseeable future. Yes, it’s scary. It’s new, unfamiliar, to-infinity-and-beyond type stuff… and I’m fully embracing that uncertainty and letting it drive me. As a step in that direction, I’m going to be offering custom holiday cards, both with Meghan and on my own… so if you’re interested drop me a line!
Phew. Fingers crossed on this one.